A podcast about your galactic neighbors, and how to deal with them

"Perhaps the strangest podcast I've ever listened to."
-SFFAudio



Email: freeplanetx@gmail.
com


The Aliens Responsible

Jared Axelrod
Writer, Producer

Richard Kalwaic
Narrator

Russell Collins
Composer

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Syndication

Since Ghichrilus is now a quarantined plague world, it will not be required to land on its surface.  However, it would be polite to slow down and wave out the window.
Direct download: 46_Aliens_You_Will_Meet-Ghichrilus.mp3
Category: podcasts -- posted at: 11:57 PM
Comments[2]

On Querylon, you will be asked to show your physical prowess by engaging in ritualistic combat with members of their warrior class.  Though the Querylon warriors are only one third of your size, they are still a force to be reckoned with.  Remember to aim low, and watch out for their tiny, tiny horses.
Direct download: 45_Aliens_You_Will_Meet-The_Querylon_Warriors.mp3
Category: podcasts -- posted at: 11:44 PM
Comments[4]

The Darlanians do not have travel as you know it, preferring instead to remove their consciousnesses from their bodies, and witness the world from a purely mental point of view.  As ghost-like apparitions, they will be very interested in your dependence on your physical body, and may attempt several ways to remove you from it.  It will be important to remember that the “body dematerializer device” that they will try to put you in does exactly what you might expect.
Direct download: 44_Aliens_You_Will_Meet-The_Darlanians.mp3
Category: podcasts -- posted at: 5:00 PM
Comments[0]

Though your tongue is still healing from your encounter with Soyrn cuisine, it will not hamper your interaction with the Crawbiwah.  The Crawbiwah have banished the spoken word from their culture, preferring instead to sit in silence.  While this makes it difficult to know when the meeting is over, rest assured that at some point, the meeting will end.  Bring a lunch.  And a dinner.  And a breakfast.  And another lunch.
Direct download: 43_Aliens_You_Will_Meet-The_Crawbiwah.mp3
Category: podcasts -- posted at: 12:26 AM
Comments[5]

On Soyrn, the carnivorous plant people who rule will invite you to a typical Soyrn meal.  While it will be impossible for you to eat the small, kitten-like creature they will serve you, it is acceptable to put it’s head in your mouth, remove it, and then compliment the chef on her excellent preparation.  Keep in mind that the Soyrnites do not cook food so much as stun it, and it may awaken before you get a chance to remove it’s head from your mouth.
Direct download: 42_Aliens_You_Will_Meet-Soyrn.mp3
Category: podcasts -- posted at: 3:17 AM
Comments[0]

Nardinine’s denizens worship their planet as a god and consider dirt, grime and other filth to be sacred.  Bathing is unheard of to the Nardininians, so it will be a good idea for you to abstain from it as well, during your stay.  Luckily, you will arrive on one of the holiests of days for the Nardininians, and will be asked to participate in the ceremonial mud-wrestling.  This will give you a nice coating of Nar din ine soil to wear throughout your stay.
Direct download: 41_Aliens_You_Will_Meet-The_Nardininians.mp3
Category: podcasts -- posted at: 4:29 AM
Comments[0]

Repetition is a virtue to the citizens of Biscoush, and nothing is more important than doing the same thing over and over every day.  Do not worry about whether or not your visit will disrupt their routine; their Head of Planet has an intergalactic dignitary meeting every day after lunch.  On days when there are no intergalactic dignitaries, the Head of Planet has the meeting anyway, using a hand puppet as a stand-in.  It has been a long time since Biscoush has had an ambassadorial visit, so do not be unnerved when the Head of Planet talks not to you, but to his upraised hand.  It is merely the force of habit.
Direct download: 40_Aliens_You_Will_Meet-Biscoush.mp3
Category: podcasts -- posted at: 11:44 PM
Comments[0]

On Tocline, do not wear pants.  You will see other Toclines wearing pants.  This does not mean you should wear them.  You can wear the rest of your usual diplomatic uniform, but whatever you do, do not wear pants.
Direct download: 39_Aliens_You_Will_Meet-The_Tocline.mp3
Category: podcasts -- posted at: 2:07 AM
Comments[0]

The Dreeslings communicate through the transmission of viruses between hosts.  Unfortunately, your usual pre-landing inoculations will make you the equivalent of a deaf mute.  This may be for the best,  as while Dreeslings’ language will not kill you, if you are infected by the wrong joke or declaration, you may wish you were.
Direct download: 38_Aliens_You_Will_Meet-The_Dreeslings.mp3
Category: podcasts -- posted at: 10:05 AM
Comments[0]

The Flusians are aquatic by nature, but can poke their heads out of water for a short time in order to converse with land-based off-worlders.  Due to the lack of any sort of landmass on Flusie, you will be expected to meet their delgation on their spaceship. While their ship will be filled to the brim with water, they will have constructed a “non-fish bowl” for your comfort.  A little plastic castle will be put in the non-fish-bowl, to remind you of home.
Direct download: 37_Aliens_You_Will_Meet-The_Flusians.mp3
Category: podcasts -- posted at: 11:03 PM
Comments[0]